a way that does not make since to most people including myself. I have lived in deep depression for many years. I don't know how to live a life outside the clouds where my roots are planted. I was a happy although still introspective child and one day it all turned upside down. I shut down. I lived inside my mind making up my own reality to fit the situations happening to me, to fit the feelings I felt...deep unrelenting torment in my head and my heart. I fought most of my days to desire to stay alive or now to function properly within my family/social dynamics. I live the life of neurological Lyme disease! I found this out 2 years ago after numerous doctors, counselors, drug addiction, drug rehab, numerous medications, and answers that left my hands empty handed. My brain swells when allergies, stress, food, hormones and more are triggered and I am lost as I fall into the out of control world of depression, fatigue, physical pain, anxiety and loneliness. The empty tree limbs press against me so hard and I cry out to God for mercy. I have for years. I have traveled the road of anger, denial, hope, resentment, hopelessness and light joy. The journey has worn me out. The journey has calloused my life. I yearn for relief. I grow closer and further away from God as each day passes. I am at a loss. I am confused but I have always lived this way as long as I remember. I am a tree that has been turned upside down looking down a hole that I was meant to be rooted in.
